Tag Archives: meeping kazoos

Meeping Kazoos

Guest blog by Steven C Davis

No one knows quite how the first Meeping Kazoo came to Hopeless, Maine. Some say Lady Carriage Clock had a tame one – a rarity in itself, although little is known about Lady Carriage Clock, other than she was often pre-punctual for meetings. According to reports from that time, Lady Carriage Clock was not well liked and people would often try and avoid her – hence, she developed the habit of turning up to visit people before she met them to arrange the meeting.

But the Meeping Kazoo. Well now. Who has not heard a symphonicmare (the term for hearing a collection of Meeping Kazoos) and compared it unfavourably to the screeching of fingernails down a chalk board? It is a truly hideous thing to behold in the wild – and if you are lucky, such are its effects that you may be rendered deaf to all other sounds.

But in Hopeless, Maine, with its fog-enshrouded environs, the sounds of a herd (or some say, collateral) of Meeping Kazoo are somewhat muffled. Odd squawks are sometimes heard. A single finger, scratching at a chalk board. A random ting-ting-ting, but that may be the Meeping Kazoos attempts to lure a Spoonwalker out into the open.

They look rather like – well, perhaps that is not their best feature. The sounds they make are definitely not their best feature either, but they are the most striking aspect of them. Unless, of course, you happen to be a Spoonwalker who is caught out in the open –

They are a non-migratory species, which suggests there was some incident, possibly a tsunami caught some in the wild and delivered them to the island a long time ago. Breeding patterns and preferred habits are not known, and best not-guessed at. Frankly, even talking to you about a Meeping Kazoo is to invite the potential for a localised symphonicmare.

But one thing is known. No Meeping Kazoo ever hunts alone. Whether a collateral of them could tackle a human sized creature is unknown. But the best form of defence may be attack – since the physical aspects of the Meeping Kazoo are unknown, it may be that the range of Meeping Kazoo physical aspects is quite wide, and they may be identifiable more by sound than sight.

That being the case, if you think you are about to be attacked by a collateral, the best defence might be to sound like one.

This is David Atteneighbourhood, signing off, for Planet Maine. Hopeless, Maine.’