Help Wanted

Wanted: Outgoing person to make delivers. Own horse or bicycle an advantage. Daylight hours only. Apply to the Black Swann Bakery.

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Community News

Deaths: Millicent Cobbage, 84, dismembered. Funeral Thursday.

 Jobe Mathias, 26 ex-sanguinated . Funeral Monday.

Regan Higsbottom, 42, missing for two weeks, declared dead. Church service Friday.

Births and Marriages. It is to be noted that we didn’t have any of either this week, and by my calculation if we keep this up for too long, we won’t have a population at all in fifty years time. I call upon the parents of Hopeless to take a responsible stance and ensure that your offspring are encouraged to go for nice walks with suitable others! You hardly see any courting couples about on the island. It’s a scandal!

News for the residents of Hopeless, Maine.