(from Frampton Jones) I can only apologise for the abysmal quality of last week’s Vendetta. Apparently they had to tie me to a chair. It has been most embarrassing, but I have since been able to educate my nephew in the correct use of the press! Doc Willoughby says that I can start going out again now. They have taken away my old camera and smashed it up. I regret this. I feel there were mysteries I was close to solving, and now that knowledge is lost.
I consider myself a rational man, but the world is not a rational place and sometimes these things are hard to reconcile. Yesterday morning I watched as the only ship to successfully leave Hopeless in perhaps twenty years, set sail. I cannot explain how that ruined remnant of a boat floated, much less how it managed to leave out shores when so many others have tried and failed. What reason can you apply to a craft sailed by the undead? Sometimes, you can do no more than look, and wonder.
There is inspiration to be taken from their departure. Their sheer uncanniness undoubtedly played a role, but they prove it is possible to leave. Hopefully we will not all have to wait until we are animated bones on a floating wreck.
And so the ancestors have left us, and we will no longer see their bony figures on the shore at twilight. I for one will miss them, and wish them well, wherever they are bound. We return to work on the bridge, and turn our faces to the future once more.
In the last week, there have been three separate sightings of the missing O’Stoats. Archibald Buckets claims to have seen them in the graveyard. Serendipity and Felicitations Jones both report seeing the pair walking at twilight on Hunger Hill. Jed Grimes tells me he woke in the night and saw Durosimi O’Stoat stood beneath his window, staring up at him.
Are these ghosts? Hauntings seem to be on the increase, so this is a possibility. Are they alive and in hiding? The weather has made any serious searching impossible. Given the horrific fate of their son Drustan, these two are not to be trusted, and if you see them, do not approach them on your own. They are very likely dangerous. Hopefully in time we will have opportunity to see justice served to this unnatural pair.
The next batch of wood pulp won’t be useable for at least three weeks. Please remember to bring back your old paper for recycling. If you use this news sheet in your toilet, you are wasting a precious resource! Shame on you! I know who you are and if this continues, I will be printing names. The rest of us do perfectly well with leaves. Keep paper out of privies!
Last week we reported the death of Regan Higsbottom. This appears to have been an error. Regan accosted me in my office yesterday to point out that she is still very much alive. Apparently she walked out on her husband after a row, and has been living in one of the old fishing cottages on the West side of the island. Please do not scream and run away if you see her, as apparently this is getting on her nerves.