Did Scott Harwood lay himself to rest?

By Frampton Jones

Scott Harwood died (or at least, fell silent) this morning in the property on Gaunt Street he had been trying to renovate. It was a house with a terrible history – but most houses on the island are. Where have people lived free from murder, madness and grinding misery?

House owner Ermintrude Peninsula said: “It used to be in my family, that house, and I always wanted to go back. I hired Scott to do some carpentry, replacing the decade internal woodwork and he was doing a fantastic job. Only, he started talking… to the panels, the stair rods, the wainscoting in particular. It sounded like he was having conversations, only I couldn’t hear what the wood was saying.”

We can now deduce from the evidence that the wood was encouraging him to trap himself under the floorboards and scream intermittently. A rescue party attempted to locate him, but the screams never came from the same area of the floor, and despite their best efforts, no one found him before he fell silent. It may be fair to assume that he is still there now.

It is of course entirely possible that Scott did not trap himself under the floorboards, but was somehow pulled through the cracks by unnatural forces. The wood itself may have tried to consume him. Friends wishing to pay tribute are encouraged to leave offerings at the front step.

When asked if she still intended to live in the house, even with Scott Harwood somewhere under the floor, Ermintrude Peninsula said, “But of course. He hasn’t created an odour of any sort, and he’s hardly alone down there, is he? If the rumours about my grandfather are true, that is.” She smiled wistfully and would not be pressed for further details.

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