Rachel Patterson will be sorely missed

By Frampton Jones

Rachel Patterson was always surprising. She brought an end to the longstanding belief that witches had to be born on the island, having shipwrecked here with discernible magical skills. She was the first person to talk openly about keeping agents of change in your kitchen – although I suspect she wasn’t the first person to try that. She talked about cake in a way that made grown men weep.

Her final act on the island will have lasting consequences, no doubt. We may now know what was going on with that series of uncanny cat deaths. I am still trying to make sense of witness reports, personal experiences, surmises and physical evidence, but this is what I currently believe happened.

We know that there had been some kind of conflict between Rachel and some of the island vampires. The details are vague, but there is every reason to believe the O’Stoats were involved. Durosimi O’Stoat is notoriously intolerant of people who will not do his bidding. He is a difficult man to say ‘no’ to and that’s as far as I’m prepared to go reporting my personal experiences.

There is a widespread belief that some kind of magical feud had begun. There is little clear evidence for this, aside from the conclusion itself which certainly points that way. Witnesses in the vicinity of The Crow two nights ago report that Durosimi O’Stoat summoned an enormous and terrifying cat demon to attack Rachel Patterson.

Mrs Ephemery, who has a good eye for things occult, told me, “This one was different from his usual demons. It seemed to be based on living matter rather than a cobbling together of dead things.” She speculated that he had made the cat demon out of a variety of cats and that this is why it had such a robust presence.

A person untroubled about offending O’Stoat might conclude that there could be some kind of connection between this new cat demon, and the recent spate of cat-related deaths.

Rachel put up an impressive fight, by all accounts. The outcome is unclear, other than that we have lost a remarkable islander. Bring your best cooking to the wake.


Find out more about Rachel Patterson’s kitchen witchcraft here – https://www.rachelpatterson.co.uk/

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