A Message from the Hopeless, Maine tourist board

Hopeless, Maine: the holiday destination for the discerning traveller!

 

Hopeless, Maine, an obscure island off the coast of Americanistan, is the to-die-for destination of the discerning traveller in search of something different this year. Beyond the fjords we know, its chancy inlets and perpetually gloomy interior offers fathomless delights to those willing to take the plunge. Travel options to the crepuscular island (Population: unknown) are unusual, to say the least.  Shipwrecks are by far the popular choice, closely followed by aeronautical accidents, catastrophic navigational disagreements, and near-death experiences. Laying at the heart of a Bemuseder Triangle of other imaginary islands and lost worlds, HM has drawn wayward travellers to its ineluctable shores for millennia – monks on immrama, Vikings with chronic wanderlust, bards in pursuit of elusive muse figures, female explorers out to find somewhere not claimed by a bloody man, lost aviators blown hither by the winds of fate, and casual daydreamers slipping into the Mariana Trench of its page-like folds.  Making landfall (a bit tricky – with its murky pools, bogs, and rickety bridges it’s a health-and-safety disaster) the traveller will find the island charmingly unaccommodating to the needs of the visitor. There seem to be no shops, jolly cafés, gift shops, galleries or museums to while away the day and fritter away your currency (absurd forms of barter seems to be the current accepted mechanism of exchange). Instead, the traveller is forced to draw upon their own genius in exploring the island and finding what delights they can. There is a haunted orphanage, a dodgy-looking lighthouse, and the Bridge of Bottles (a must-see attraction!). The island seems to be a graveyard for Gothic architecture – perhaps this is where it goes when it dies? There are plenty of dangerous looking railings to impale yourself upon, or for the extreme sport enthusiast a brisk jog around the island, running the gauntlet of the lashing tentacles that threaten to scupper the careless perambulator, will keep you on your toes. Swimming is not advised under any circumstances. The visitor may find the inhabitants a tad brusque or inward on first acquaintance. Many seem lost in their own particular neurotic loop. But fear not! You’ll soon be feeling at home. After staggering around the purgatorial pleasure gardens of Hopeless, starving, raving, and ragged, it won’t be long before you’ll fit right in. Which is just as well, dear traveller, because this island is no mere ‘top destination’ for the terminally-bored, it is a terminus of the very definite kind. Once you arrive on Hopeless, Maine … well, let’s just say you’ll be enjoying it for a long time to come.   

Eldritch Bunting

 

Hello, people (and others) I am pleased to comment on the above. We have been after the esteemed Kevan Manwaring to contribute to the Vendetta for some time, but as he is an academic, author, bard, teacher, artist, poet and writer of books (fiction and nonfiction) he has understandably had a rather full plate. We were most pleased to find this arrive via the ether this week! The timing was exquisite as we also happened to have a tourist information poster from Cliff Cumber (One of our favorite artists at all-ever) So we have combined the two in order to entice you to come and visit Hopeless, Maine (Your chances of leaving are slim, but don’t let that stop you…)

It also allows us to talk about Timequake ! This is an event in Manchester in March 2018 which will have many steampunk (and similar) environments, events and oddities all under one roof. (I’ve not heard of or attended anything like this before) We are pleased to say we will be part of it *and* that we will be stationed at al actual Hopeless, Maine tourist information booth (next to the tea museum as I understand it) There are rumours of twelve foot tentacles. It would be a great understatement to say that we are excited about this. There will be photos, no doubt.

 

As always, we hope this finds you well, inspired and thriving.

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